Facing Your Fears

Do you face your fears? Not me. I'm good at just knowing what I can deal with and what I can't. For instance, I don't swim because I don't like anything over my head. I'm claustrophobic and the thought that water could be over my face and envelope my head is just too much for me to handle. A few days ago, I had to face a big fear…an MRI. Before I tell you the story, let me just say that everything is fine. The MRI was requested by my doctor to make sure that all was well and it is. Thank you Jesus.

I enter the imaging center and this Dear Woman (DW) takes me in the room with the long white tube. I tried to stare it down, but it wouldn't budge! It just sat there, taunting me. I'm sweating so profusely, that I think I'll probably get electrocuted from all the water. So DW says for me to lie down and put my shoulders all the way to the top. Then she has the nerve to put a CAGE over my head. I'm getting a little panicky, but think it will be o-k. I tell myself it's like wearing my daughter's pitching mask when I catch for her. I can see; I can talk…we're good. My breathing is fast, but I'm hanging in there. Then I start to move into the tube. All is well, at least I think so. Before I can close my eyes, DW hits the "up" button. Seriously, this thing is in my face. I'm pretty sure I could touch it with my tongue, and that's just way too close. Did I not mention that I am claustrophobic? She should have known better. I'm in a full blown panic attack, yelling for her to get me out. NOW!!!

I sat up for a few minutes and tried to gather myself. Then I realized that this is the path to finding out what the sharp pain in my head is all about. At least it will confirm that it's an inflamed lymph node pressing on a nerve and nothing more serious. So I've got to do this thing. Really Jesus, I'm thinking. Surely You can make it just stop. But it's not and the tube is still there, waiting. DW asks if I would like a cold cloth for my head. Not so much. Nothing else on my head is required. Thank you very much. Bless her heart. She then asked me if anyone was with me that could come in. NOBODY is getting in this thing with me lady. It's crowded enough. (I told you I was in a full blown panic attack!)

However, I did ask for a panic button. It made me feel better and it was really loud. So we try this thing again. This time I keep my eyes closed the whole time. The first test is 8 minutes lonnngggg. At first I'm still thinking it's not happening, and my finger is on the button. But then I start to pray. Jesus please help me to calm down. Jesus please help me not to push the button. Scripture begins to come to my mind about God being bigger than my sad, pathetic claustrophobic self. Romans 8:37 is a verse I memorized a couple of months ago. "NO, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." I'm thinking No Satan you are not winning. No, weak flesh you are not giving in. I'm thinking I am a conqueror through Jesus. The next verse comes. Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." Did I mention that I had to be very still…no moving allowed? I've got a death grip on the panic button, but I'm still. Yeah God. It's working. DW says, "You're half way done. You're doing great!" The last few minutes were pure bliss…at least for me. My breathing slowed down and I was hearing this song, The Power of the Cross, playing in my head. The first test was done.

If you're still reading, there was a second round of tests. This would require about 20 minutes in the tube. The tests would run about 2-4 minutes each. I could come in and out of the tube or just work straight through. Mercy. Grace. I didn't commit either way. Just put my head down, got locked in and waited for the tests to begin. These tests came with loud noises. One was like someone using a jackhammer; the next was like gun fire in the distance then close by. A longer one, about 4 minutes, almost got me. It sounded like a freight train and I kept thinking I can't get up. There were a few more and we were done. I MADE IT! ALL THE WAY!!! Thank you Jesus. Fear is gripping, but the power of Jesus and His Word is bigger and able to handle any fear we have. This is not the way I would have chosen to experience the peace and presence of Jesus this week. But without a doubt, I am so glad that I did.

Now if we can just figure out what to do with the 600 images of my brain....

Eight Weeks Later

It's been eight weeks since Every Day Faith was published! I can hardly believe how fast the time went by. God has been so faithful and so much has happened in the short time that I wanted to take a minute and post about some of it. So if you'll indulge me, read on.

The long awaited box was to be delivered on April 1^st. There was just one problem-we were leaving town for a few days at 1:00pm sharp. I had convinced myself if the UPS truck didn't arrive before we left I would be o-k. Our neighbors would pick up the box and it would sit unopened until we returned. The problem is I tend to be obsessive-compulsive and I'd been waiting on this day for about 14 months. However, God didn't seem to be moving the UPS driver any closer to my house. I tracked the package on-line and even called them once or twice that day…maybe more. Then it was time to pick up my children, so I left the house. On the way to the school, a UPS Driver pulled into a McDonald's and ran inside. I seriously considered pulling behind the truck and rummaging through the packages to see if I could find the box! I'm pretty sure my kids were scared at this point.

Here's what we found waiting on the table when we got home! Love me some Big Brown trucks. I worked at UPS for several years and well, they deliver! Very quickly we celebrated and then I rode in the car for the next several hours just holding my first published Bible study. It's too cool and very humbling.

In the weeks that have passed, two charter groups have finished the study. The feedback and comments have been very encouraging. Two other groups are working on it through the summer. It's truly an honor to hear how God is using the study to change people's lives, all for His glory.

Mother's Day

My apologies to the faithful few who read this crazy blog. Life has gotten crazy since the release of Every Day Faith last month. I promise to post about the day I got my first copy and the horse race that has been happening since then. But for today, I wanted to share a funny story about my kids in honor of Mother's Day yesterday.

My husband made lunch for us and we ate outside on the deck. It was a beautiful day here yesterday, the birds were chirping and there was a nice cool breeze. He asked the kids what they were most thankful for about their mother. Our nine year old son said that I gave birth to him! Our daughter quickly agreed that was her thought too. That was funny, because his birth compared to his sister's was interesting. Actually they were both interesting. However, being pregnant with my son was a nightmare and I haven't gotten over it yet. I vowed never to be pregnant again. Ever! That's a little dramatic I know, but it probably had something to do with the fact that I was 36 years old and he moved constantly. It was like having a load of clothes stuck on the wash cycle in your stomach!

At 36 weeks pregnant, I begged my doctor to take him out. I literally refused to leave his office until he set a date. The doctor was so kind, but I was miserable. Rationale eventually took over, or at least my husband did and our son was born about 2 weeks later.

My husband also asked the kids what was something that they were glad I had taught them. Our 13 year old daughter said to tie her shoes! I'm still not sure she has this down pat, but at least she tries now. Then our son chimes in. "I'm glad she potty trained me!"

Me too little man, me too! That's all I'm sayin' about that.

I hope you had a great Mother's Day and that you got to laugh with your children.

In Between

Today is Saturday. This particular one is the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. All day I kept thinking what this day must have been like for those who lived during Jesus' ministry on earth. What were they thinking? How did those who walked with Jesus and sat at His feet spend the day in between? Those who knew that He was indeed exactly who He said He was, what must that day have been like for them? Scripture gives us a little insight, but not much. So I wondered today, this day in between.

The crucifixion brings me to my knees. There's no way to grasp such love with my finite mind. I am forever grateful that Jesus died for me. Thankfully, I live knowing that the cross wasn't the end. The grave wasn't the end. Jesus lives. There's no joy like knowing that Jesus lives. My day in between is filled with great expectation of the Easter celebration tomorrow. I hope yours is too. Sunday is coming.

Happy Easter!

You Are More

I heard this song for the first time this morning. I needed to hear this song. Perhaps you do too. Here is a link to the video and below are the words. Thank you Tenth Avenue North-this is beautiful.

"Therefore , if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation."

2 Corinthians 5:17-19

You Are More

There's a girl in the corner With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love"
But don't you know who you are, What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade.


Well she tries to believe it That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling That it's not true tonight
She knows all the answers And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better But then she's too weak to try
But don't you know who you are?


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.


'Cause this is not about what you've done, But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been, But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel, But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Game Changer

Last week I wrapped up the study of Jonah by Priscilla Shirer. While reflecting on what I had learned over the past six weeks, it occurred to me that there was one moment that changed my whole perspective on Jonah. I grew up going to church and Jonah was a popular Sunday School lesson. Most of the teaching was about Jonah disobeying God and being swallowed by a big fish. At some point my young mind decided that Jonah was being punished and that's how I've always viewed the story- until now.

During the early part of the study, Priscilla refers to the fish as God's grace. Huh? The game changer-Grace. Grace has been defined as God's unmerited favor. We don't deserve it, yet God lavishly gives it to us. You see God could have left Jonah to go where he wanted to- far away from God's calling. He could have left Jonah in the ocean to drown-no longer useful in God's kingdom. Instead God chose to extend grace and swallow Jonah up in a big fish and bring him back-back to the place of his calling and his usefulness to God.

It's sort of like making a u-turn when we realize we're heading in the wrong direction. We go back to the place that we know is right and start over. Grace allows for the mistakes and sets us back on the right track. It's a game changer.

A Timely Question

Today I finished a lesson in the Bible study, Jonah, by Priscilla Shirer. At the end of the lesson, Priscilla asked the question, " When you face dire circumstances, do you normally feel hopeful...?" I so did not want to respond...at least not kindly to that question, not today, not this week.

This week, almost without exception, every unexpected phone call or e-mail was bad news. Job changes were coming and they weren't very favorable. Sweet friends, the girlfriends for life kind, are facing tough battles with cancer. Family members are wrestling with painful decisions. While other family members are planning the funeral of their father and grandfather. Frankly it all stinks and I'm not feeling very hopeful. Not today anyway.

Today I want to stuff my face with chocolate, crawl back in bed and wake up next week.

Sorry for the ranting, the hopeful me will be back shortly.