Five Years Later...

Five years ago today I started this blog.  There was much fear and trembling, probably some serious grinding of my teeth.  You see I’d much rather speak than write.  It’s a painful process for me. 

The thoughts and insights that I’d like to share are whirling around in my head, but it’s so much easier for me to tell someone than to write it down.  However, today I actually had a moment to get on my personal pc and noticed that it had been five years since I sent out the first post.  Some years the posts are more sporadic than others.  But it is still a great way to capture some of the things that God is teaching me. Thanks for reading; it’s a gift and a huge blessing to me.

To celebrate here are some thoughts from my favorite story in scripture. 

In Acts 3 the story of Peter healing the crippled beggar is one of my favorite passages to read.  I think God reveals something new to me every time I ponder it.  This time was no different.  In verse 3, the beggar asks Peter and John for money as they are entering the temple.  Money is what he wanted. 

During the Christmas season, I find myself asking the question, “What do you want?” too often.  There are presents to be purchased and I’m not the most creative person.  I ask my husband and my children to make me a list of things they want.  It’s hardly ever anything that they need, but full of stuff that they want.  This is exactly what the beggar in the story did.  He asked for what he wanted, but not what he needed.  He needed to be healed.  He needed to meet Jesus.  He asked for money.

Fortunately for him, Peter and John didn’t have any money.  They had left everything to follow Jesus.  Verse 6 says, “Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you.  In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”  The crippled beggar became a strong, able-bodied believer in Jesus.    

I do the same thing when I talk to God.  I ask for what I want, but not what I truly need.  I want more time, but what I need is to rest.  I want more resources, but what I need is restraint.  I want more patience, but what I need is to love.  What I really need is more of Jesus. 

Happy 5^th anniversary!

For Hannah

Hannah is my daughter- a teenager about to step into her Freshmen year of high school. This is for her.
Hey sweet thing. Tomorrow is your first day of high school. Wow! I can't believe it. I've thought about this day for the last few months, literally since you left middle school in May. I've also written this post in my mind a thousand times since then. And yes I did cry…most of the time. I realize you wouldn't cry, but that's how we roll. It's hard to believe I gave birth to you- a non-crying girl. It's ok though, I've got it covered!

There's so much I would like to say to you about this day and the next four years, but there will be time for that. Moments when it's just the two of us and nobody's around. Today I just want to say how proud I am of the young woman you are. Your strength and courage during some difficult times over this past year have blown me away. Moments when I thought surely you would crumble into a puddle, you stood tall and kept believing. Recently you said to me, "Mom it's not up to me, it's up to God." It seems so natural to you. And yet you have no idea how not natural that is for a fourteen year old, or an adult for that matter. Your faith is amazing and a blessing to those who know you.

Earlier in the summer I heard this song called "For Your Splendor" by Christy Nockels. It has become my prayer for you over these past few months. One line in the song says, "It's hard to grow when everybody's watching, to have your heart pruned by the One who knows best." It truly is hard in the times you're living in. There is such an insatiable appetite to communicate instantly and just about everyone has the ability to do so, and does. It's almost impossible to unplug and turn off the noise when you just need a moment. Guard your heart sweet girl. Be still, listen for and hear the voice of God. He absolutely has a wonderful, perfect plan for your life.

The song also talks about growing deep roots. Roots that bear branches that in turn bear fruit. It's a process. You keep growing your roots at the feet of Jesus-He loves you the most. I wish that would mean that every day would be easy from now on, but it won't be. There will be more refining and pruning; all to make you an even more beautiful display of His splendor. I love you and am blessed to call you mine.

Have a wonderful first day of high school!  And because I really love you, I want sing the song.
Listen to Christy's version!   For Your Splendor by Christy Nockels

Feelings

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
Trying to forget my feelings of love.







Remember that song? Don't hate me; it's been stuck in my head for days now! Feelings, what do you do with them? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The sadness, disappointment, happiness, excitement, fear, concern, joy, confidence, grief, insecurity, peace, apathy, etc., etc.- how do you handle these emotions? The list could go on and on. How do you deal with the feelings that come with living life? They can be overwhelming and cloud our judgment for the good and the bad.
Recently I had a conversation with a dear friend. Trying to share some encouragement, I said, "Don't worry about it. It'll be o-k. You don't need to be fearful." Sounds like good advice, right? Maybe you too have said something similar. Unfortunately though, it didn't change the feelings that were crowding her heart and overwhelming her.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."                    1 John 3:19, 20

These verses provide some good news and some bad news. Bad news is that it says "whenever our hearts condemn us", meaning that it's going to happen. As long as we're living and breathing this side of eternity, the feelings will be real. The good ones may make us forget to depend on God and the bad ones may make us question where God is.
The good news is two-fold. First, God knows everything and he's greater than those feelings. He knows when we feel bad and when we feel great. He knows and he's bigger than the pull they may seem to have on us. Second, we can know and rest in the presence of God when we love with our actions and in truth. This can be hard, but we can make a choice to show love and to speak the truth. People will disappoint us and we will disappoint people. Thankfully though, there's always an opportunity to get it right. Contrary to what the songs says we want to remember our feelings of love and rest in the presence of God. The best place to be.

 

Baggage

I'm spending some time this summer studying the life of David. Today's reading involved the selection of Saul as King. You can read about it in 1 Samuel 10:17-25. Basically there's a narrowing of the field by tribe, by clan, by family and eventually down to the choice of Saul. Saul knew he would be chosen. The funny thing is he hid when the announcement was being made! Verse 22 says, "So they inquired further of the Lord, "Has the man come here yet?" and the Lord said, "Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage."

This struck me as humorous, because I too try to hide from God in the baggage. Not literally of course, but too often figuratively. When I feel like God is calling me to do something I can always come up with an excuse as to why He should use someone else. I yell at my kids. I don't know those people. I don't have the money. I'm not qualified. These are just some of the thoughts and responses that I'll give to ignore and disobey what God is asking of me. Do you do that?

Just like Saul, I try to hide in the baggage. It's easy to do that with other people, but we can't do that with God. He knows exactly where we are. He knows exactly who He wants for the task. The real question is: are we willing to let it go and say yes?

Is Anybody Home?

Hello? Is Anybody Home? For the faithful few who read this blog, I'm back! Life has gotten a little crazier over the past few months, and I just didn't have anything to say. Truthfully, I was too lazy and/or scared to write a post about it.

The whole concept of writing a post has sort of become like a Reality show for me. Do you watch any of those shows….American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity Apprentice, The Voice? The contestants do their deal, sing, dance, manage a project and then they get judged. Three, sometimes four people give them feedback. It can be gushing and loving or harsh and critical. The contestant has to stand there and take it. It's a pretty intense moment to watch. Thankfully I've not had much criticism on this blog, but the thought that it could happen keeps me on the sidelines from posting too often. Writing that down even gets under my skin! I'm a competitor, so giving in to this silliness is not who I am. So if you'll keep stopping by, I'll keep posting. It may be short and sweet, or long and thoughtful, but I'm not giving in to fear. Now back to our regularly scheduled post…or at least what I got on here to say. Is anybody home? When I would come home from college, I used to ask that question as I walked through the door of my grandparent's house. They lived next door to my parents, so as soon as I dropped my stuff off I went over to their house. It's kind of silly, because they were always home. However, our little greeting never changed. My grandmother was legally blind, but she would always say, "Bless your heart, come on in." Then she'd walk over and give me hug and say, "That's Bridget! Sit down and eat." Truth be told, that's why I went over there in the first place. Grandmoma always had something good cooked to eat. My grandfather, a man of few words, would say, "Hey Sapphire." I have no idea why he called me that. He may have called my sister and cousins that too. I don't remember. When I would head back to college on Sundays, he would say, "Keep your nose clean Sapphire." Cracks me up just thinking about it. I miss them both, but lately I've had glimpses of going home in my own yard. Both of my grandparents had green thumbs. We lived off of many vegetables that were grown on acres and acres of land around us. It was lots of hard work, but good stuff growing up. Obviously as a young girl, I did not think so. Having to get up very early to work in the gardens during our summer vacation kind of stunk. I do miss having all those vegetables readily available now though.  However, they also had flowers all over their yard-hydrangeas, azaleas, day lilies, camellias, roses, gardenia bushes and magnolia trees. I did not inherit their "green thumb", but these beauties have been growing like crazy in my yard for the last few weeks and they remind me of going home.

 
    

More Than

Recently I memorized a verse as part of reading through the book Made to Crave. I was dealing with cutting out some bad eating habits and the book was a great help to getting my mind wrapped around the spiritual impact of committing the struggle to God and applying His truth to it. The verse is Romans 8:37 and it says,

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

I shared with my Bible study group that I would actually say out loud, NO, when I felt tempted and then quote the rest of the verse. It was definitely a powerful way to confront the issue.

Last week I woke up with the verse running through my head. That's when it hit me. I kept thinking of the verse in light of being victorious, beating the temptation. That's great, but there is more…Look at it again.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

God's Word isn't just promising us victory, it's more than that. It's the ability to move on from what we've conquered. The New Living Translation of the verse says overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. I need that reminder today. The power of Jesus living in us makes us more than.

I am more than a conqueror over my desire for sweet food.

I am more than a conqueror over feeling ill-equipped.

I am more than a conqueror over my impatience.

I am more than a conqueror over ________________________. (You fill in the blank!)

Present

The New Year has begun and I decided to choose one word for this year. I found this site last year and shared my 2011 word here in this post. My goal with choosing one word is to have it be a filter that I view my life through in 2012. My 2012 One Word is Present. I want it to remind me that God is present...all the time. Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

God is an ever-present help! That's pretty amazing if you stop and think about it. The problem for me is that I don't often stop to think about it. I tend to freak out, worry, fret, wail, etc, etc, etc. It's not pretty and it's not very mature. It is the truth sometimes for me, unfortunately. All is not lost though.

Since deciding this was my one word a few weeks ago, I've realized that it also means for me to be present, in the moment. To deal with things as they come up. Not to dwell, replay and relive. Not to reason why or why not and talk myself out of something (I do this a lot!). To deal presently…in the moment. Practicing this these first few weeks of the New Year has been life changing for me. Things that would normally become toxic in my life are not. It's very refreshing to not have all the "stuff" spinning around in my head. Deal with it and move on.

Do you choose a One Word for the year? I'd love to hear about it.